|Mohit Khera, M.D. and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini address unmet desire, how we got this way and what can we do about it in their new book Re-Coupling A Couple’s 4 Step Guide to Greater Intimacy and Better Sex.
“Many everyday issues can cause a lack of intimacy and while a lack of sex doesn’t kill a relationship, lack of intimacy may. Being held close and feeling loved and desired is most important,” says Mary Jo Rapini. “Springtime is the perfect time to start fresh, better communicate and experiment with renewed expressions of love”
The following 10 tips can help get your relationship back on the intimacy track:
1. Cuddle. Cuddle anywhere, airplanes, in bed while watching TV, on the sofa, on a park bench. A couple’s ability to cuddle, is one of the best predictors of an emotional/ physically close, happy, and healthy relationship.
2. Keep sex sacred. Remember, intimacy, not sex, is the connection. So, focus on the experience. Hold each other close, kiss and have more eye contact during love making.
3. Share your feelings even when you feel like a failure, rejected or abandoned. Intimacy has nothing to do with a partner being famous or great. It has everything to do with being real.
4. Use a lubricant during sex to enhance pleasure. During foreplay and right before intercourse, use a lubricant for a more erotic, intimate and sensual experience. A silicone lubricant like Wet Platinum, Replens Silky Smooth or Pjur can be used in the bath, shower or spa or for full body massages and to ease penetration.
5. Take turns initiating sex. Some say they’re stressed because their partner never initiates anything and feels responsible for when and if sex happens. Take turns initiating sex and give more thought to love making. Schedule sex once a week.
6. Write down ideas to help relieve the stress of your partner. If your partner is afraid of losing his or her job, speak softly, express your love “no matter what” and offer assurances that you can “work it out as a team.”
7. Be open to new ideas, loosen up and relax. Pick a new position and try a Nuru massage. It’s an ancient Japanese form of body on body passion that’s sure to relax even the most stressed out. Wet’s Nuru massage gel kit comes complete with massage gel, a protective sheet and an instructional DVD.
8. Visit a urologist to see if lack of excitement in the bedroom may have an underlying medical reason. Erectile dysfunction and decreased energy can be due to normal aging. And, Stronvivo may help improve blood flow and erectile function,” says co-author, Mohit Khera, M.D., Associate Professor, Baylor College of Medicine.
9. Springing forward means less sleep which can affect your mood and sex life. Lack of sleep lowers your desire for sex. So, do try to get the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
“While more than 52% of American men suffer from some degree of erectile dysfunction, it is surprising how little patients know about its psychological impact and potential damage to the relationship. Maintaining adequate circulation to improve erectile function and libido, properly lubricating and combatting premature ejaculation, provides natural steps to better intimacy,” adds Khera