My dog Sophie is turning sweet 16 , she can hardly hear or see,and seems to be suffering from “doggyheimers” so I asked Dog Expert Sarah Hodgson of The Doggy Mommy for some advice.
Aging dogs are getting a lot of press these days: Behaviorists and trainers like me are learning about the best ways to enrich their clients’ dogs’ twilight years; veterinarians are exploring medications to treat everything from degenerative diseases to cancer; and eulogies for beloved dogs flower the Internet with their sentiment.
Later in this article I share my tips for helping your dog age gracefully and dealing with the inevitable goodbyes, but I’m no exception to the aches of loving an aging dog. A recent afternoon brought me face to face with a love story that is unique, yet all too familiar—a story that unites everyone who has ever given their heart to a dog: you, me, and even Oprah.
Though I’ve been on a tidying rampage, early spring temperatures lured my household outside and left me standing alone on closet day with the broom. Alone that is, save Whoopsie Daisy, my 13-year-old Labrador retriever. “It’s you and me Whoops. Just like old times.”
Dragging out a box of old photographs, I surrounded Whoopsie with images of a life well lived: Whoopsie on the beach, as Flower Dog on my wedding day, in the tub with my children…
And then I found a poem I’d written for Oprah Winfrey just after the loss of her beloved Gracie. Gracie’s voice had come to me in a dream, and I’d scribbled the words on a scrap of paper. Though I penned the poem in a letter, I never sent it on. Rereading the words, I sat back and as if on cue Whoopsie laid her head in my lap.
Gracie’s Shadow
I look for you sometimes
By habit
With hope
My friend, my fur-child
With all my strength I cannot
bring you back to my side, where
I want you to be, where
You showed me you were the happiest.
And there are times, when I feel most alone
When I choose a solitude that only had space for you,
That a part of you does return
And I sense our balance,
And though I cannot
Find your shadow
I do know, in my heart
You are there.
My lips began to tremble. Aging—no matter what your species—is unavoidable. But graying and feeble Whoopsie is my first baby, the one family member who always chooses time with me over anything—whether that means going for a walk or tidying the closet.
Will I ever be ready to say goodbye?
As a dog professional, friends, family, and clients often ask me about their elderly pets. While I know many of the ins and outs of dog aging, I often ask as many questions as I answer. When it comes to your baby getting old, decisions are a very personal choice. Dogs cannot voice their feelings; they truly depend on their people to do what’s right.
I’m often asked:
- How do I handle incontinence—when a dog’s bladder control weakens?
- Is it normal for dogs to develop separation anxiety late in life?
- With so many health care options, is it ever okay to just say “No”?
- Is there such a thing as hospice care for dogs?
- And what about euthanasia—what’s my opinion on that?
Here’s what I know:
Pottying is one of life’s necessities. When an aging bladder starts to sag, puddles, drips, and dribbles can leak out in the darndest places. Medications can help, though some do have side effects. A mop is often the most valuable tool.
There is a big emotional gulf, however, between older dogs who just can’t hold it in—dealing with the oops factor—and a dog who stands shaking and confused as their bladder empties on the floor. Some dogs who can’t control themselves experience emotions that resemble shame and confusion, so spare them a lecture or discipline. If your dog needs more frequent potty runs, make them.
If your dog empties his bladder after standing from a nap or seems disoriented when doing so, schedule a trip to the veterinarian. He could have an infection or kidney issue. If your veterinarian comes up short, it might be time to consider if the quality of your dog’s life is fading.
Separation anxiety can affect older dogs, even if they’ve never experienced the condition before. As their senses fade, fears can set in and stress out an older dog when left alone.
Sometimes playing music can help. I have multiple pet acoustic cubes set up in the house that play dog-sensitive tunes that my dogs really seem to enjoy. Bones and puzzle toys also add enrichment to a dog’s day, as do meandering walks and modified versions of games once loved, like Fetch and Kickball. As dogs are most active in the morning and evening, a 5- to 10-minute play period during those times will both lift and calm your dog’s spirit
Choosing medical treatments for an elderly dog can become an emotionally-charged subject. Most people want to do everything they can for their baby. Some people can afford to go to extreme measures to keep their pet alive; others can’t afford it or choose not to spend their money that way. There is no right answer.
All veterinarians take an oath to do whatever it takes to keep all pets comfortable and alive, so expect that your dog’s doctor will suggest various tests and treatments in order to help your pet no matter their age.
Consider how you would cope with a medical situation ahead of time. If your choice is to do whatever it takes, make sure you have the funds. Even with pet insurance, costs can run into the thousands. If you choose not to go to extreme measures with your pet, don’t let anyone’s opinion overshadow your personal decision or your wonderful memories.
For dogs, as with people, there are trained hospice veterinarians who will come into your home if you choose. A hospice veterinarian focuses on celebrating life even as they comfort your dog and prepare you for his passing.
The topic of euthanasia is perhaps the most sobering of all. I’ve experienced it firsthand with pets whose suffering came to a head. I’ve sat with friends and family as they prepared to let their pets go. Euthansia is odd—it’s an appointment with death—but it can be beautiful, too. You have time to share one last meal or take one last trip to the hillside together. I’ve known too many who put off this choice then watched as their dog died in complete agony.
Will I make that call for Whoopsie? Yes, if I know she’s suffering—if there is a day when her tail stops wagging, her clouded eyes no longer lift to our faces, and food—her beloved food—no longer excites her.
But for now, for today, she is here, gently nudging me along, willing me to explore another box filled with memories of a life better lived because she was in it.
What will you do? How will you handle the news if your veterinarian finds something unexpected in your dog’s health check-up? Before sorrow seizes your soul, go and find your lovely dog. Talk with him in a quiet moment—heart to heart—remembering that you can still reach out to him when he’s gone. The final journey is truly between the two of you, and it is yours to not only ponder but enjoy.
Ever catch yourself calling yourself dog Mommy…or Daddy? Don’t be embarrassed, I do it all the time! In a world where two-thirds* of dog-owners consider their dogs family, celebrate being in the majority! The good news? Dogs who are loved for being themselves feel valued and smart.
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While I teach, lecture, blog on the Huffington Post as well as my own site, and have written a dozen books—a new one to be released in Fall 2016 with St. Martins Press called Modern Dog Parenting—my happy place is at home in a world we call Doglandia®. With dogs, cats, kids, rabbits, rodents and reptiles, my husband and I entertain and nurture each of our children with equal measures of respect and loving kindness
