(YourTango)With all the apps and online dating options we have these days, scoring the first date is easy. But making it to the second date? That’s where it gets complicated.
Since first dates are so tricky to navigate, we’ve decided to enlist the help of a professional. Erika Gershowitz is a Three Day Rule matchmaker in NYC and she’s mapped out the ultimate Do’s and Don’ts for all you daters out there.
During The Date
- Ask more questions than you answer. Of course you both want to get to know each other, but nobody enjoys sharing drinks with someone who nervously babbles about themselves for an hour.
- Maintain eye contact. It is one of the easiest ways to show you’re interested and listening to what he/she has to say.
- Keep it light. Ask about passions and hobbies rather than more serious subjects such as religion and politics.
- Keep it short. The ideal time for a first date is 45 minutes to 1 hour. Short amounts of time leads to mystery, leaving your partner wanting more.
- Ladies: Offer to split the tab. He will appreciate the gesture and a gentleman will insist on picking up the tab regardless.
- Keep your phone in reach. Checking your phone can become a nervous habit, and gives off the impression that your mind is elsewhere. Plus, it’s just plain rude.
- Treat him/her like a stranger. Choose a spot at a bar, rather than at a table, and position your body toward your date. If it’s going well, flirt a little by touching his/her arm or let your legs touch.
- Bring any baggage with you. Stay away from talking about finances, family issues or exes on the first date.
- Drink too much. A glass of wine or two might help with nerves, but sloppiness on the first date is never attractive and a sign of immaturity.
Sandy Weiner, dating coach extraordinaire of Last First Date offers her two cents on first dates:
DON’T offer to split the tab unless you’re truly willing to pay half. I speak from experience. Once when I offered to contribute to the bill, the guy said, “Okay, you had the ice cream sundae and I had the waffle cone. Your total is $5.57.” I was appalled. Needless to say, no second date for Mr. Cheap. To avoid that type of situation, I advise my clients to let the man pay during the courtship phase of dating. A high quality man wants to be a provider. Let him care for you by picking up the tab. Your job? Smile and say, “Thank you so much for that delicious meal. I had a great time tonight.”Another tip for what TO DO on a date: Come prepared to answer awkward questions like, “Why are you divorced?” The answer you prepare in advance should be short, to the point, and offer very few specific details. You want to end on a positive note. “Why are you divorced?” often leads to ex-bashing and ranting. You don’t want to go there. Instead, you can say, “I really wanted my relationship to work, but there were irreconcilable differences. My ex and I are on good terms. I’ve learned so much from my divorce and can’t wait to share my life with someone special. How about you? What did you learn from your divorce?” The focus is on learning, growing, and taking the high road. That’s what will lead you to your LAST FIRST DATE!
As this article points out, millions of daters are “one and done” because of some common mistakes. One culprit? Those smartphones are leading to some really dumb decisions.
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