Dr. Robert Hustrulid has been married and divorced twice. He has two children from his first marriage and he watched them struggle with the negative consequences of the marital disruptions. As a physician practicing for more than 40, he also watched many others going through the same thing and wondered what, if anything, could be done to prevent the pain and suffering so many people experience.
His research led him to two basic ideas. First, he believes that all people are born basically good. We may be upset by certain behaviors, but there are very few people out there who intend to hurt us or make our lives miserable. Second, if something doesn’t make sense, it’s because we don’t have all the facts. Usually, when things look a little nutty at first glance, they often make perfect sense once you get enough information to fill in the blanks.
And it took him about 30 years, to “fill in the blanks” and make sense out of marriage and relationships. He shares his insightful breakthroughs in a delightful new book, titled, Men Don’t Marry for Sex: Overturning the Assumptions on Why Men and Women Get Married.
“Men and women marry for very different reasons,” Dr. Hustrulid says, “and there are some very straightforward differences when it comes to what they want in a relationship.” As a physician practicing more than 40 years and Here are some of the many examples he describes:
- Women often assume men marry for sex and to be taken care of, when in fact, most men marry for love. Women tend to marry for safety and security.
- Women need to be shown that they’re loved in special but simple ways, over and over again. Men don’t know this. Every day doesn’t hurt.
- Men tease people they really like. Women don’t and teasing can hurt.
- Women want men to look at them when they’re talking. Men can have a hard time doing this.
- Women don’t want solutions when they complain. Men do.
- If a woman has to ask, it doesn’t count.
The single most important key to keeping a relationship in good shape is communication.
“We all want to be happy and life is too short to be unhappy”, he says. “You can take steps to understand the needs of your partner if you open your mind and heart to the realities of life.”
Here are just some of his recommendations on how to achieve maximum success in marriage and relationships:
1) Get real! Don’t assume life will be better. It frequently is worse. Take it as it comes.
2) Focus on the facts. Take off the rose colored glasses! Stop making assumptions. They are usually wrong.
3) Divorce hurts! Divorce really messes with kid’s safety and security.
4) Get smarter fast! What you know about the opposite sex is wrong. Learn, read, study, watch, listen, and seek understanding.
5) Earn it! Don’t presume you are special to the person you’re with. Do things that make them realize you are special.
6) Go ahead and fall in love at first site. It happens with people who meet for the first time. It also happens when people get up together every morning. You can wake up and see love if you decide to do so. Believe it!
7) Be the best parent you can possibly be. Fathers are more important to daughters. Mothers are more important to sons. Believe it!
8) Be clear with yourself. Know what you want and need. Create your list of what is important for you to be happy with your loved one.
9) Open up! Share your needs! Declare what is important to you. Remind your love one as often as necessary. .
10) Stop talking. Start Doing. Discussion is really easier for women than it is for men. Taking action is what men do best, at least that’s what they think they do best.
Men Don’t Marry For Sex discusses the frequent and incorrect assumptions men and women make about each other and what happens when they act on them. This helpful and easy-to-understand book is designed to help you avoid the landmines and achieve greater happiness in your marriage.