No matter the circumstances, a breakup can shatter anyone’s confidence, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never get your mojo back. Thinking incessantly about what went wrong and where you may have faltered along the way isn’t a healthy coping strategy, either.
While it may be easier to remember the good times, the best way to get over your ex is to not overlook the negative aspects of the relationship that ultimately led to your breakup.
In the meantime, put down the quart of ice cream and use these tips below to work your way back into the dating game.
When you look good, you feel good. So, if you’re feeling extra down about your breakup and not getting out of your pajamas every day, make it a priority to get back into a routine. Switch out the ratty sweatpants, the stained T-shirt, and holey panties for something cute and comfortable. Bottom line: Go back to doing all those things you used to enjoy. While it can take upwards of a year to recover from a breakup, you can’t rush the process and hope to be the same “you” again if the timing isn’t right.
In other words, finding happiness in everyday life — it can be just about anything big or small — to help alleviate those negative feelings and thoughts is a recipe for success. When was the last time you read a book in a tub full of bubble bath or eating lunch out solo without escaping into your smartphone? Get to know you again. Sure, your breakup left you a little battered, but making time for yourself and focusing on self-care is a great way to get back your pep — and get back into dating.
Maybe you aren’t ready to put yourself out there just yet, but don’t underestimate the importance of a good night out with your friends. It’s easy to self-isolate after a breakup, but the hermit life won’t do your mental health any good, nor will it help you to meet new people.
Better yet, step out in style, with garters and lingerie under your “going out” clothes. It’s your own little secret. Who knew a little bit of lace could make you feel so sexy and confident in no time flat? Put yourself out there, flirt like there’s no tomorrow, and see where it leads. At the very least, you’ll end up with a boost of sorely needed confidence.
Social media might make it super simple to find a date, but take things slow. Be yourself so you find an authentic match. Of course, that new relationship “feels” is great, but jumping the gun and going exclusive with someone just a few weeks into dating can end in disappointment and heartache later.
It’s okay — and fun — to date around, so take the time to get to know someone before you commit. Jumping from one relationship to the next doesn’t give you the time you need to analyze what you want and what you need. Understand your values so you can keep from making the same mistakes again and again.
When you meet someone interesting — and you will — resist the urge to bare all about your recent breakup. Whatever you do, don’t compare your new partner to your ex, as no good will come from that move. Your anger and heartache over your ex aren’t going to win the heart of the new person in front of you (and definitely won’t lead to a second date).
Wait until things get serious before disclosing your past relationships. It’s a healthy move. Your relationships have made you who you are, so it’s okay to talk about them when you’re both more invested in each other’s well-being and future.
Your thoughts and feelings about dating might change from one hour to the next. There’s no rush to find “the one,” but don’t let fear take control of you, either. Go out with friends, wear clothes that make you feel sexy, and work on healing and self-care. Before you know it, your ex will be a distant memory.