A girlfriend’s birthday dinner. Three couples, gifts in hand, everyone there to celebrate her. We had all agreed to go together. No one person was hosting; it was a group plan.
Then the bill came, and before we even had the chance to split it, one of the other husbands had picked up the whole thing. Just like that. No discussion. It was awkward.
So whose check was it supposed to be?
Here’s my opinion, and I know not everyone agrees with me. I’m from Queens, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know better. When it’s your wife’s birthday and a group of friends is out to celebrate her, the husband should quietly give his credit card to the management before dinner even starts. The check never hits the table. No awkward moment, no math at the end of the night. Everyone just enjoys the evening. That’s how you treat your wife on her birthday.
Notice I said opinion. I went looking for what etiquette actually says, and Emily Post has thoughts. When friends organize a birthday dinner together, the group splits the birthday person’s tab. She eats free. Her husband’s share is not part of the deal. Treating the birthday girl doesn’t mean treating her husband too.
Emily Post also separates the organizer from the host. The organizer picks the restaurant and gets everyone to the table. The host is the one who pays. In our case, since we all agreed on the dinner together, there was no host, just three couples out celebrating a friend. Under the friends-organize-it rule, the rest of us would have split the bill and covered the birthday girl’s share. We never got the chance.
I still think the birthday woman’s husband treating the table would have been the gracious move. That’s my answer. But the check was paid, the birthday was celebrated, and I’m still sitting with the question.
So tell me. Three couples, one birthday, gifts already given, and one husband takes the check before anyone can split it. Whose check is it? What would you have done?
Sources: Emily Post – Happy Birthday! Got Any Cash? and Emily Post – Group Restaurant Invitations
