Divorce is one of the hardest things that people will ever have to go through in their life. It’s emotionally, financially, and mentally draining and overwhelming; and unfortunately, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes divorce happens for uglier reasons than others, like in cases having to do with cheating, abuse, or even lack of intimacy. For both parties, it is an exhausting process that is likely going to be stressful. People are left with feelings from guilt, anger, to sadness; all normal emotions, but still very hard to cope with.
With the various emotions that a person is feeling, it’s common for him or her to lose sight of things that he or she normally wouldn’t, or for him or her to make rash or out of character decisions. In fact, it’s extremely common for people to act in ways that will only hurt their current situation. Does any of this sound familiar, or like it could be you? Here is a short guide that can help you stay true to your values and needs when splitting up with your spouse.
In some marriages, divorce is inevitable. Though that’s a sad thought, it’s the truth for many couples, and a lot of the time, it isn’t necessarily in either one of the party’s control. Of course, the goal of any divorce is to end it civilly, in a timely manner, however, that isn’t always the case given the various circumstances. However, no matter the divorce situation, there are some important things to keep in mind and “do’s” in order to make your side of the divorce is as stress-free and straightforward as possible.
Divorce doesn’t have to destroy your entire life. No matter the circumstances, how you choose to deal with it is key to not letting it consume you. It’s important to keep living your own life. Don’t lay in bed all day and wonder why your marriage didn’t work, go out and distract yourself, surround yourself with supportive friends or family.
Divorce can make people lose focus on their jobs or other daily responsibilities; don’t let it. You have to keep living your own life, even on some days when it seems impossible. The key to do this is not losing sight of what makes you happy, you need to live for yourself and on your own now; during the divorce is the best place to start this. It’s okay to grieve and acknowledge your emotions, but don’t let them get the best of you. Stay strong and keep doing things for you. Were you working towards a promotion at work prior to the divorce? Keep going. Do you enjoy going out for a happy hour with friends on Fridays? Give them a call. Are you in charge of coaching your daughter’s soccer team? Be the best coach and role model there is. No matter what happens during the divorce, keep living your life for you.
Reinventing yourself can mean a lot of different things. Here are some helpful and healthy ideas that can help you reinvent yourself during a divorce:
- Pick up a new hobby; perhaps painting or blogging
- Join a fitness class- fitness classes are easy ways to de-stress, meet people, and stay in shape
- Make time to see friends and do things/ go places you haven’t ever gone before
- Discover your style- most people want a new look post-divorce, becoming familiar with your style can help you do that with confidence
- Set goals- have you always wanted to run a marathon? Start training! Have you been meaning to read more? Set a goal of reading one novel a week. Goals will occupy you during this trying time
This is crucial when going through a divorce because an experienced attorney will make sure you aren’t taken advantage of in court and are getting everything that you are justly entitled to in a divorce. You need an attorney that will advocate for you in the courtroom and will represent you in the best way possible.
A life insurance lawyer in Philadelphia also pointed out, “You need an experienced divorce attorney for the obvious reasons, but also because experienced attorneys will benefit you later on in life; especially with issues in the health and life insurance areas. An experienced divorce attorney will make sure these things are covered in court so they don’t present themselves as issues down the road.”
There are a number of things you should avoid when going through a divorce. Certain actions can make your divorce, longer, more complicated, and overall more stressful. Here are some things to avoid when going through a divorce:
Though it might be tempting, rushing into another relationship will most likely cause more harm and emotional stress.
A lot of the time people rush into relationships because they are looking for something to make them feel better. However, you are in the midst of or just recently got out of an emotional whirlwind, give yourself time to heal and gather your thoughts and emotions before you let yourself be vulnerable again. Getting into another relationship so quickly can also end up hurting the other person which isn’t fair either. Many people make the mistake of thinking this new person is what they want and after the divorce is over they end up realizing this new person is not what they needed. This causes more emotional stress for both people involved.
Don’t communicate with your soon to be ex; this means can mean anything from emails and text messages, to sexual relations, or even in some cases, social media stalking. Some people want to communicate with their ex in order to see what they are up to or to see if they have a new person in their life. In other cases, people feel the need to communicate in order to hash out feelings- both good and bad. No matter the reason, communicating with your soon to be ex is a bad choice.
By reaching out to your ex, in addition to adding to the emotional and mental stressors of your divorce, you may also add in legal issues to the divorce. Small issues within a couple can be heightened during a divorce and these issues can escalate quickly if unnecessary contact is made. These issues can end up costing you or making you lose certain things in court.
You have to keep children out of it, no matter what. Children should not know about anything that is going on in the divorce; they simply don’t need to. If children know too much, it can leave them with feelings of guilt and depression which can ultimately affect them for the rest of their lives.
Similarly, don’t forget to be a parent during a divorce. It’s easy to get caught up in the divorce issues that you lose sight of being a good parent to your children. It’s perhaps most necessary now more than ever to pay special attention to your kids. Divorce can be equally as hard for them as it is for you; which could make kids act out or have emotional issues that need special attention. You need to make sure that you are still raising your children and still acting as close to normal as possible.
This is a condensed guide of do’s and doesn’t during a divorce. There are a number of other things to keep in mind during a divorce but these tips should at least cover the basics and give you an idea of how to deal with your emotions and desires. Make sure everything you do during this trying and complicated time is with your best judgments and with your best favor in mind. Make sure not to lose yourself or your values during a divorce.
About the Author
Veronica Baxter is a blogger and legal assistant living and working in the great city of Philadelphia. She frequently works with Chad Boonswang, Esq., a busy life insurance beneficiary attorney.