Society has somehow created the perception that singleness is bad; that being a single female means there is something wrong with you. Family and friends always have someone in mind that “you would love”, or have suggestions on where you should be going to meet a new guy, and every second commercial is a dating site insisting they have the right formula to meet the man of your dreams. Even magazine articles written for the single woman target this relationship status in the most patronizing way possible. “Oh, you’re single. Well we must then assume that you are also sad and lonely. Have no fear, here are 5 tips to make you feel better!”
Well, I’m here to tell you (or perhaps simply remind you), that the negative connotation of singleness is BS. We learn faster, discover ourselves more deeply and are overall happier and more content with life when we are single than when we are in a relationship with another human being.
Here are the top 10 reasons why it’s great to be single:
- WILDERNESS ADVENTURE
You don’t have to shave….anything! Grow out that pit stubble, let your legs sprout like prickly cacti, or embrace a full muff. Awkward, yes, but you don’t care because you’re single and you do what you want. Okay so that may be excessive, but you get the point – if the stubble grows out for a couple days, no one’s complaining.
- EXTRA GARLIC!
Love garlic? Onions? I sure do. If I’m in a relationship though I have to take into account that the other person may not be too keen on dragon breath. So, I don’t eat these things because I know that the smell and taste will linger in a very unpleasant manner.
When you’re single you can eat all the onions and garlic you want and never have to worry about your stanky breath – unless you want friends… then you may want to be cautious of social situations as well.
- EXCESSIVE INDULGENCE
There is no sneaking in the door with your tub of quality cookie dough ice cream and feeling the cringe of resentment when your significant other asks to share. The tub is just too small for two spoons! When you’re single you can inhale that whole thing, then sit on the couch and feel fat with no one to judge you. Unzip those jeans and dig in sister!
- YOUR VERY OWN BED SPACE
The bed is all yours, do with it what you will. Sprawl out, starfish, or just thrash about randomly because you can (which does actually feel amazing. Seriously, go do it now).
What else? Oh yes, no worries about being throat punched in the midst of your enjoyment of ample dream space. True story – a boyfriend actually punched me in the night while he was sleeping. Apparently he was in a big wrestling match and forgot to inform me that I was fighting against him. According to him though, he won the fight and felt amazing. You better have.
- BONUS INVITES
If anyone ever has one extra ticket anywhere they always invite you. You are the token single lady there to save the day! Husband out of town and your friend won tickets to a local play? Sister’s boyfriend broke it off before she could tell him about the hockey tickets she bought him? You are happy to take that seat! Heck… you may even buy the beer. Just kidding, get the guy in line to buy it for you. After all, you are a sexy single minx.
- SAVE YOUR HOLIDAY SKRILLZ
No need to buy expensive gifts on holidays. Seriously, between Valentine’s day, his birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, and those other random holidays I swear he invented like his pet geckos first hibernation cycle, how was I supposed to keep coming up with gift ideas!? Until they choose to bundle all the holidays together in a one-time money saver package I am much more content being single, thank you.
- FOREIGN SHNIGGITS
What is a shniggit you say!? A shniggit is a small fleck of something, anything. Those moustache trimmings he leaves in the sink? Shniggits. Those clumps of shaving cream on the bathroom counter? Shniggits. Those pieces of nothing that the vaccum seems to leave behind on purpose to taunt you? Those are shniggits too!
When you’re single the only shniggits you need to worry about are your own. Somehow they are much less gross when they are yours.
- CLEAN AND LEAN
Sure, after a breakup you’ll probably be chowing down on junk food for breakfast lunch and dinner…but after the pain subsides and you realize you can actually live just fine without someone at your side you’ll regain your ground and get back to your normal. One of your normals is not matching the eating habits of your significant other. Let’s face it, couples bring each other down in terms of eating habits. We get comfortable, we indulge and we let ourselves go. When you’re single, you make conscious decisions of what you’re eating.
- FINDING YOUR ZEN
No matter how similar you are to someone you will always have your differences, and that means fighting. Fighting is exhausting – you both advocate that your view is right, and then feelings escalate and the energy turns tense and negative. Eventually you probably work through it but the whole process is excessive and tiring.
- NO DEALING WITH BOYS NIGHT
After a while in a relationship you really just want to get away from the other person for a while. What better excuse than “sorry, you possess the incorrect genitalia for this evening”.
I never minded when my ex would go out for boy’s night. It meant I could have a nice relaxing evening at home by myself, maybe run a bubble bath a read a magazine. What irked me was when boy’s night was at our place and he failed to remember to tell me until that morning. “Oh by the way hun, the guys will be coming by for poker later, hope that’s okay”. Oh, yeah, no problem, my vagina and I will just be hiding in the bedroom.
101 Reasons Why It’s Great To Be Single is currently available via all major online retailers