Ahh Valentine’s Day, that time of the year when gestures of love are all around us. Chocolate, candy hearts, flowers, romantic escapades… all signifying the hallmark of this day which is a celebration of romantic love and affection.
For those going through a divorce or breakup, Valentine’s Day can be an emotionally trying experience. Breaks ups alone can be difficult as one grieves the loss of what was, and what could have been. Kiri Mapoyana, Certified Divorce Coach and founder ofis sharing her tips on how to make Valentine’s Day a little more bearable during this emotional time.
1. Welcome where you are: Events like Valentine’s Day tend to add to the already burdensome emotional load. It’s not unlikely that feeling sadness and loneliness will magnify. The key here is to welcome it all, with no judgement. Try a journaling exercise where you write down all the feelings, thoughts, and sensations triggered by this day.
2. Adopt a more empowered way of looking at your breakup: How we chose to look at the events in our lives matter a great deal. We may not have control over what other people do, but we do have control over how we chose to respond to the situation at hand. You can choose to look at the breakup in two ways. You may see it as one of the worst things that has ever happened to you, and dwell on self-pity and resentment. Or, you can focus on the breakup as an opportunity to reinvent your life for the better!
3. Build a support system: Have a core group of people to lean on. It can be family, friends, or support groups. You can even organize a “Surviving Valentine’s Day” party for your support group. You most likely aren’t the only one who’s in need of someone to talk to on this day.
4. Have a plan: If celebrating Valentine’s Day matters to you, then plan how you are going to spend the day. Having a plan allows us to regain control and get out of despair. It could be a spa day, going for a hike, a day of self-reflection, giving to others, or whatever meets a definition of self-love for you. This could be an opportunity to start new rituals as well!
5. Let Go: There is no sense in holding on to what was, especially if it’s depriving you of the happiness you deserve. So, work toward letting go. Letting go is a way of setting yourself free from being emotionally “married” to your ex, or the situation. In order to free yourself and move on, you have to acknowledge what happened and make peace with situation. Then, allow yourself to grieve the loss and finally forgive.
6. Focus on Living Your Life: As hard and painful breakup can be, it does not mean that life as-you-know-it ends. Experiences like these can serve as catalyst to creating an amazing life! The key is to find the lessons and use them to chart the next chapter of your life. Take this opportunity to re-imagine your life and pursue the things you have been putting on the back burner. If all else fails, remember it’s only one day out of many and you are resilient enough to survive this one!
About Battle Free Divorce:
Battle Free Divorce was founded by Kiri Maponya, a Certified Divorce Coach. The mission of Battle Free Divorce is to help bring sanity and civility into the divorce process, while safeguarding the welfare of children. Kiri helps her clients navigate through their divorce with dignity and clarity. No matter which of the three stages of divorce they may be in – the initial “should I get a divorce” stage, embroiled in the heat of it, or post-divorce when they are recovering and trying to rebuild their new life – Kiri is able to guide her clients. Kiri Maponya is also trained in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), Ho’oponopono (a Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness) and Reiki (hands-on healing). For more information on Battle Free Divorce and Kiri Maponya, visit