As your child heads toward the college years, your relationship with them will start to change. You may be walking the line between letting them make mistakes and giving them advice. It may feel like maintaining positive communication is challenging. The good news is there are some ways you can navigate this changing relationship.
Help Them Manage Their Money
You have hopefully already taught your kids about the importance of sticking to a budget but let them know you are still there for them to offer advice. It’s important to communicate what you will pay for and what they are on their own for. Some parents pay for all the college expenses, including a monthly spending stipend, while other parents only pay for the basics and let their kids buy their own books and extras.
Write down what you have agreed to so you can refer back to this. If you don’t, you could have some heated conversations later about what you previously said. It’s often best to avoid the temptation of paying for too much because your kids should be able to stand on their own feet. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t help them out with tuition and living expenses. One way of helping your kids pay for school is by taking out a Private Parent loan. They often have low rates, making them relatively affordable.
Give Them Space
If you let your child set boundaries and maintain relationships, and the pace on how much you contact them, they will have some control over your interactions. When they are experiencing independence for the first time, they may embrace the opportunity of doing whatever they want. If they don’t respond to your communications, consider sending messages less often instead of more. Know they are not uncaring because they are just getting caught up in the business of college.
This may not always happen naturally, and that is okay. You may want to bring up the subject of communication frequency with them. Instead of asking them why they have not responded to you, you might ask them when the best time is to call and tell them you understand they are busy. You could schedule a weekly or biweekly phone call to check-in. If your child needs to reschedule, they’ll be able to let you know ahead of time instead of having to miss an unexpected phone call from you.
Ask Important Questions
When you connect with your child, ask the important questions but don’t judge their lives. You may feel it is important to ask about their majors, classes, or grades, but asking too many of these questions can feel like you are trying to tell them how these things should be going. Instead, get down to the important questions, like what they like the best, what they are struggling with, and whether they are happy. Let them know you are always available to help them. Asking these questions shows you are actively listening and open to hearing about their experience and are concerned for their wellbeing.
