Four Ways To Make Your Divorce As Painless As Possible

A marriage can still be considered successful even if it ends in divorce. But that doesn’t make separating from a spouse easy. INSIDER spoke to Jacqueline Newman, a managing partner at a top New York City divorce law firm, about how to make divorce proceedings as painless as possible. Here are her four pieces of advice.




Explore alternatives to litigation

Instead of jumping into litigation right away, Newman recommends alternative options for settling a divorce out of court. In litigation, “you draft motion papers and you basically have to show why your other spouse is a terrible person,” she said. “That doesn’t bode well for any future parenting relationship, not to mention litigation is slow and very expensive.”


Don’t seek revenge — courts don’t care

Newman says people often enter divorce proceedings hoping to have their “day in court” or get some sort of “justice.” They’ll present photos or screenshots of texts as proof that the spouse cheated, or even go so far as to hire a private investigator to compile evidence.


Keep kids out of it

“Conceptually, people realize that it’s bad to involve your kids in a divorce, but they do it in subtle ways that really can backfire on so many different levels,” said Newman. “A lot of times kids will get very protective of the spouse that’s being bashed as opposed to aligning with the basher, and that can totally backfire. That can be a very hard thing for the parent who feels wronged and feels the need to voice why they’re wrong.”


Be as financially informed as possible

Newman says that a lack of financial literacy can cause unnecessary tension and aggression. “When you have someone who doesn’t understand what’s going on, a natural reaction to not understanding and being confused is anger,” she said. “Sometimes it’s not even targeted at the spouse, but it comes out that way.”


About Jacqueline Newman

Jacqueline Newman ( ), is the managing partner at the matrimonial law firm Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP in Manhattan.  Jacqueline’s practice consists of litigation, collaborative law and mediation. She specializes in complex high net worth matrimonial cases and also in negotiating prenuptial agreements. The author of The New Rules of Divorce, Newman has appeared as an expert commentator on various television and radio shows and has been quoted as an expert in numerous publications.


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