Dating? Never do this – #1 Best Selling Author

The number of online dating sites seem to grow every week, with people searching and hoping to find the love of their life.

And yet, day after day, people are making one drastic mistake in the world of dating, or, they’re putting up with someone else who makes the same drastic mistake.

For the last 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has helped thousands of people to get clear and straight in the world of dating, giving them the best chance ever to attract the love of their life, into their life.

Below, David talks about the number one mistake people make in the world of dating, and how to avoid it.

“So you’re out on your first date. And you’re attracted to this person . And it’s going great. And then all of a sudden your date asks you the question “what was your last relationship like ?“

And you freeze. Or at least you should freeze. The number one error that we all make in the world of dating, is to share too much information, too soon about our former partner and/or partners.

It’s a trap. It’s an absolute trap. If you’re the one asking this question, it’s a form of manipulation.

If you’re with someone who is asking this question, it is also a form of manipulation. And, worse than that, if you start sharing the dirt about your former partner and or partners, you are the problem, not the person who asked you the question, but you are the problem.

Why? Because bringing up the downside of any of your exes too soon in the world of dating, is going to label you a bitch and or a bastard.

But it’s exciting isn’t it? It starts to get our adrenaline pumping. When we can say what an idiot our last partner was because they cheated on us, stole money from us, they were an alcoholic and or an addict… They hated their mother… They hated their father… They didn’t know how to balance a checkbook, or take care of children… It makes us feel powerful. And yet here’s the truth: the most powerful people in the world are those that don’t talk about their former lovers in any negative way whatsoever.

Isn’t that amazing? That the most powerful people in the world of dating are those who  refuse to answer the question, and get sucked into the vortex of putting our past lovers down in order to feel more valid? More real? More available?

And yet, when we do this, it shows that we are emotionally unavailable at the moment. You see, when you’re putting others down, you’re living in the past. I don’t care how terrible they were to you, it’s nobody’s business about what your past relationships were like, until you really get to know this new person, and make a decision that you want to go forward in a monogamous relationship.

Until then, avoid the question altogether.

And here’s another number one red flag: if  the person you’re dating starts to bring up unannounced, what they hate about their former partners… Run. Don’t walk, run out the door! 

When someone starts putting down a former lover it’s a form of manipulation, they’re trying to get you to side with them, and while they may not consciously know they’re manipulating you,  it’s a  fact. They are using the past, and how terrible this lover was , to get you to feel sorry for them, to get you on their side.

Don’t bite the bait!

If I were you, and you’re dating someone that brings up their past partner and what an idiot they were, I would absolutely change the subject.

“Hey, I’m sure you still have to work through some of your anger with your former partner, but that’s not the kind a discussion that I want to have with you right now.“

There you go, you’re back in charge, and if they go down that pathway again all you have to do is repeat the same statement, free of emotion.

When you can state the facts, that you don’t want to hear about their trials and tribulations with a past  partner, without emotion, you are in charge of the conversation and actually in charge of the relationship.

And if they don’t like it? Walk away. Don’t waste time with a victim. Someone who is still complaining about their past relationship has not healed from the past, and they’re sure as hell not ready for love… Or any type a relationship whatsoever.

 And if you’re the culprit? If you’re the one bringing up how much you hate your ex-wife or husband, how they screwed you in the court system for alimony, how they took advantage of you while you were dating them or married to them… You’ve got a look in the mirror, put on your big boy pants, your big girl pants, and get the hell out of your own way.

Run to a counselor and or therapist today, and start to work on releasing your past. Don’t get sucked into these conversations, and if the other person is going down that road, don’t stand for it.

If you find yourself as the person who’s complaining about your exes, you’ve really got to look in the mirror and understand that until you’re free of your past, and yes get ready for this right now, until you learn how to forgive all of your former partners regardless of how poorly they treated you, you’re not ready for a new relationship. 

I want you to be solid and strong in love . Which means clean up your past , let go of the emotional baggage, so you can be open and present to a potential partner today.

But it’s not going to happen, unless you do the work to let go of the two, four, or 10 former lovers who have mistreated you. That’s the past, let’s get into the present now.“ 

David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“

David’s 10th book, a number one bestseller is called “focus! Slay your goals… The proven guide to huge success, a powerful attitude and profound love.“

 His work as a counselor and life coach has been verified by psychology today, and calls David one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world.

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