Going through a divorce is difficult for the whole family. While breaking up with your partner might shatter your world, especially if you’ve been together for a couple of years, along with having wonderful children, your kids are experiencing the same heartbreak as yours.
With that, you shouldn’t forget to bring your children with you as you recover from divorce. Every emotion that your children feel after your divorce is all valid. Not having the opportunity and power to bring their parents back together is one of the most challenging things they have to endure.
To help your children cope, listed below are the ways you can help your children move on after their heartbreak:
1. Create A Schedule
Adjusting to a new household without their other parent around the house is difficult for them, especially if everyone has a daily routine in the morning. While it’s normal for them to miss their father, you should create a schedule wherein they could bond and be with them, so they won’t feel the separation is too intense.
If you and your partner are on good terms, you could easily create a schedule by making the first week half yours, and the other week would be with them. However, if you’re arguing about the fathers rights, you could always consult with a lawyer to legally settle the schedule. While the process might be complex, it’ll help more organized and less messy visitation rights.
2. Don’t Bad Mouth Your Partner
No matter how messy the divorce is, it would be best if you never badmouthed your partner in front of your children. Everything that you say to them would be planted through their minds. The perfect image they have of their father might be tainted, giving them something more also to grieve too. It’ll be like ruining the idea of their hero and not being able to see them in their household anymore.
Even if you’d want to share how their father treated you throughout the relationship, try to float the positive things first. You can say how good he is as a father and provider. While you might not bring back the relationship with your ex-partner, you shouldn’t ruin your children’s relationship with their father. It’s not what they need to cope with after the divorce. They need to feel that they don’t need to pick sides.
3. Listen And Acknowledge Their Emotions
Divorce is intensely tricky, especially for children. The sad thing is, they can’t do anything to fix your marriage and to save their family as the decision will rely on you and your partner. As your children have to go through the pain of watching their family fall apart, you should communicate and listen to your children’s emotions. Never invalidate their feelings as people take grieve differently.
Ideally, you should always communicate with your children and ask them about what they’re feeling. Listen to every word they say and acknowledge their emotions. You can bring your kids together and ask them to open up their feelings. If none of them speaks, be brave and start the conversation. You can tell them how much it’s hurting you too, but it will lead to a healthier relationship for everyone. As your children speak, never interrupt them and truly listen.
Sometimes, your children feel that they’re not enough for you to stay together with your partner. They might feel unloved and unimportant in your household. To prevent your children from blaming themselves for the divorce, you should shower them with love as much as possible.
You can begin by telling them how important they’re in your lives. You should tell them how much you love them and nothing’s their fault about the divorce. You should assure them that you love them above all else and you’re doing what’s best for the children in the future. They might not understand it now, but they’ll appreciate this as they get older and understand relationships better.
5. Explore New Hobbies
Focusing on divorce might only put your children into a terrible mood. After communicating with your children about the divorce, allowing them to take their minds off things would help them cope with the divorce better. The days don’t have to be dramatic all the time wherein you can enjoy yourself and have fun once in a while.
You could explore new hobbies that you and your children could enjoy. It could be sports, arts, or travel. However, try to be careful about the activities that you’re planning to do as some might remind them of your partner. You could go to places everyone wants to go to, but your partner doesn’t want to explore new foods. It’ll be a great and healthy bonding experience for the family.
The Verdict
Going through a divorce is difficult for everyone. While you might want to move on right away, you should bring your children with you so you can allow your household to be healthy and happy once again, even without their other parents. While the process can be challenging, time will allow everyone to heal and bring their lives back to normal.
