When we get married, we tend to believe that we shall live in a fairy tale. The allure of marrying “the one” makes us get into the courtship period with the outlook of having a happy-ever-after kind of lifestyle. What we miss to realize is that relationships take time and work for them to work.
In most cases, most of us do not get into a relationship with the right tools to manage the issues that come into our lives. That is why you need a counselor or a therapist to help you learn ways of relating with your partner.
But at what point do you realize that you need a marriage counselor? We are going to look at behaviors and other trigger points that may help you to know when to ask for help.
You are not communicating
Communication in relationships is one of the major challenges. When you realize you are in this place, consider seeking consultation with a therapist who will help you to find new ways of communicating. Once you break down your channels of communication, then it is hard to move together.
The small things become the big things
Everyone has trigger behaviors which are things that make you go crazy that otherwise would not bother most people. Some of these triggers can be laundry, eating the same meal often, leaving the dishes on the table e.t.c.
In most cases, the other partner may not understand why the fights happen and what can be done. To help discuss the issues, you can go for a couple therapy session to figure out the root of the problem and how to address it.
Change in sex life
Once you get married for a while, it is common for sex to wither. But when there are significant changes in the sexual life, then there might be a problem. On the other side, if there is a lot of sex, it might be a sign of other issues, because it might be a way for a partner to make up for wrongdoing.
Living separate lives
When you realize that you are living as roommates and not as a married couple, then you need to go for marriage counseling. Do not mistake that lack of not doing everything together as a sign of danger. Instead, if there is no conversation, communication or intimacy, it might be an indication that you need a skilled clinician to help sort out the issue.
You believe that you will be OK if your partner changes
First of all, you need to understand that you can only change yourself and no one else. So if you are hopefully waiting for your spouse to change, you will wait forever. When you get to this point, then you need to go for a therapist consultation session to understand what you want. If challenges continue, go to a couple therapist to get tools of how to relate with each other.
You are financially unfaithful
In most cases, financial infidelity is damaging just like a sexual affair. If as a partner you are kept in the dark about spending, or your partner controls all the engagements on money, then you should discuss the matter. If you get tension on that matter with your partner, it is time to seek professional help to work on the conflict.
You are having an affair or entertaining the possibility
When you find yourself fantasizing about an affair, it is a sign that you desire something that is not in your relationship. Although it is possible for a relationship to survive the infidelity of a partner, it is important to get help before it happens. If you commit to a therapy process and speak about it honestly, you can end up saving the marriage.
In summary, most couples tend to wait for a long time to get help. But if you want to have a chance of building your marriage, seek for help sooner.
Author Bio: Adrian Rubin is a freelance writer and Philly based photographer.
