If you’ve ever quietly wondered, “Is this really it?” — you’re not alone.
New research reveals that one in five Americans currently in a relationship don’t believe their partner is their soulmate. Yes, even while staying together.
The study, conducted by Talker Research as part of a lifestyle omnibus, surveyed 1,279 people who are in relationships — and the results are equal parts honest and uncomfortable.
The Big Numbers
-
20% say their current partner is not “the one”
-
80% do believe their partner is their soulmate (romance isn’t dead just yet)
-
Women are slightly more likely than men to feel this way (14% vs. 11%)
-
Millennials are the most likely generation to believe in soulmates
So while most couples feel solid, a meaningful chunk is quietly questioning things — or at least redefining what “the one” means.
The Backup Plan No One Talks About
Here’s where it gets spicy.
One in six people (16%) admitted there’s someone in their life they’d leave their current partner for — if that person showed romantic interest.
And yes, men were more likely to say this:
-
19% of men
-
12% of women
That doesn’t mean they’re actively cheating — but it does suggest many people are emotionally hedging their bets.
Adam Horvath, Clinical Psychologist at Personal Psychology, says this kind of thinking is more common than people admit.
“Attraction doesn’t turn off just because we say ‘I choose you.’ We’re human,” Horvath explains. “What matters is what we do with those feelings.”
Crushes vs. Cracks
According to Horvath, developing feelings for someone else isn’t automatically betrayal — it’s biology. Our brains are wired to notice novelty and attraction.
The real issue comes when:
-
We emotionally invest outside the relationship
-
We compare a real partner to a fantasy version of someone else
-
We see another person as an “exit” rather than a signal
Often, that fantasy represents something missing — playfulness, excitement, romance, or simply newness — not necessarily a better person.
The Takeaway
Having a fleeting crush or a “what if” moment doesn’t doom a relationship. But consistently imagining life with someone else might be worth paying attention to — not as guilt, but as information.
Because sometimes it’s not about finding the one.
It’s about understanding what you’re actually longing for.
Survey methodology
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans; 1,279 of those were currently in a relationship. The survey was administered and conducted online by Talker Research between August 15 and August 21, 2025.
To view the complete methodology as part of AAPOR’s Transparency Initiative, please visit the Talker Research Process and Methodology page.
