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Anthony Weiner tweeted what?  Did Anthony Weiner cheat or was it just an not so innocent tweet.

When it comes to infidelity, there are a multitude of nuances that are highly dependent upon how a particular couple defines it.  Cheating, by definition means: to practice fraud or deceit, or to violate rules or regulations.  Rules are something few couples take the time to actually define while other couples have actual agreements regarding sex outside the relationship.  Is kissing someone else okay?  Different couples will have different answers to that, and different partners within the same couple may have different opinions on that.  Some couples may find it more offensive if their partner flirts with someone in a bar even if there is no follow-up than if their partner chats up a stranger online that he or she will never meet, and vice versa.

Of course if the cybersex is with someone they know and are simply separated by distance, that sort of relationship has all the emotional intimacy and sexual betrayal of an actual affair.  Let us also make the distinction between cybersex and masturbating to pornography which is a separate issue. Cybersex is the exchange of sexual messages, images, or information via computer geared to sexual gratification.  The key word there is exchange.  There is some type of back and forth conversation or exchange of ideas between two or more people for the sole purpose of sexual excitement and arousal.

Dr. Miro (www.doctormiro.com ), a Manhattan-based sex therapist, relationships counselor, professor of human sexuality and advice blogumnist writes, “…if one partner is having an “affair”, even when it is not in “real life” there constitutes an unfaithfulness that is hurtful to the other party in the relationship. When there is no emotional attachment, attention being diverted towards another being in a sexual manner is attention that very well could have gone towards their mate. Infidelity is infidelity. What tends to be the most damaging are lies. If the unfaithful partner is omitting a very crucial aspect of his or her sex life that constitutes a lie.”  And the lying is the deceptive part of the cheating definition.

Every couple should take the time to have discussion about what is acceptable to them and what is not and really spell it out.  If one partner does violate the agreed upon rules of the relationship, it is possible with therapy for a couple to work through and even grow from the experience, or it can force couples to come to terms with the fact that the relationship may have already been dead.

Thanks to Miriam Longobardi    for this guest post

Follow her on Twitter: @MimiLong2011 or Facebook

Check out her modern love column: Examiner.com (NY, Lifestyle/relationships)